Billie & Me

I am thinking I need to start documenting my life with Billie Jean. After reading Marley and Me, I am thinking that my dog is just as awful. She's so cute and cuddly and everyone loves her but she has one problem. One big problem: she eats EVERYTHING.

Here is a fun list of the items the dog has destroyed or chewed:

1. three bras (Victoria's secret at $40+ a pop)
2. All of her toys
3. Brett's winter boots
4. My winter clogs
5. Brett's running shoes
6. Three pairs of flip flops
7. My favorite pair of strappy black heels
8. the arm of my moms small couch
9. my couch in the office - all cushions
10. numerous buttons on pants and shirts
11. the corner of the bookshelf
12. a small area of the windowsill in the office
13. a small corner of the wall
14. 3+ small rugs including one that Brett brought back from Bahrain
15. the entire box spring covering
16. the corners of the entire bedroom 8x10 rug
17. several laundry baskets
18. every single corner of our coffee table including all legs and the table top - its not square anymore
19. all of my throw pillows
20. the buttons off my duvet cover
21. my cell phone (it was just chewed so I walk around every day with teeth marks in my cell phone)
22. one of her harnesses (now she has a collar)
23. Danielle's headphones
24. more pens than I can count - once she was blue for about a week from a pen

and the kickers this past week were the destruction of two items from our friends that were staying with us.

Billie was left alone for an hour while Casey, Christie and Brett ran a couple of miles around town. They came back to see Billie eating Casey's wallet. She ate a 2 inch hole in his leather wallet and a corner off of his drivers license. As if it doesnt get worse than that Billie was left for 10 minutes the other day and destroyed Christie's running shoes. The wallet made us laugh but the running shoes made us buy some lobster dinners for our guests.

Its to the point that Brett and I need to get serious about this problem. My dog is out of control with the chewing and its impacting our lives. Brett just thinks she is hysterical and does not discipline the dog at all. We need to have Cesar come by and tell Brett that he is the problem and to train the dog! I cant do it all on my own - I reprimand her and he laughs. I cage her for being bad and he mocks me and then takes her out. She's so funny and very cute but the chewing is getting to the point of no return. She is a year and a half old - teenage years. She is going to get into shape or she's being caged every single time we leave the house.

What do you guys think? What can we do? Any trainers you can suggest?

p.s. I am SURE there are more items she has chewed so this list will continue to be added to

Its Personal

On Monday night I went to a class. I came home to take the dog out and fed her and we played. I left for one hour. I came home to find the dog had opened my drawer (which was left open a crack) and stuffed her nose in there and picked out not one, not two but THREE of my bras. She then carried them to separate rooms and licked them. I came home to three wet bras all over the house as a little dog wiggled and showed me her belly saying "don't kill me mama!"

She sought out MY stuff and then made sure I knew she could have eaten them just as a warning. "Don't leave again bitch or these bras might be gonners!"

She Swims!

Take a look at the cutest video ever!



Bulldogs do not typically swim because they are heavier and have short legs and short noses. You can tell she isnt exactly enjoying it but we did!

I just love love love hanging out with my dog. She makes me so happy. She is so cuddly and wonderful and just loves her mama. I'm at home today - enjoying time with my puppy.

Weekly Billie Jean

I am going to start a weekly post for Billie Jean pictures. Here she is wondering what Mom is doing on that white thing on her lap. Thats were I sit so damnit I am going to figure out why its more fun than me. I'm not impressed so far.

Blue Paws

Last night I came home and read the note from the dog walker. It went something like this.

"Billie Jean LOVES the snow! She had a great time outside. I did find her chewing on a pen (now on TV) which would explain the blue paws. -Anne"

I walked over to my dog who was in belly rub position and looked at her paws. They were so blue it looked like she dipped them in blue dye. She was all happy and hanging out just waiting for me to be home. She ate the pen like 7 hours before that so there was no chance that she'd ever have any clue why i was mad so I didn't get mad. I just rubbed her belly while she bit my arm and licked my hand.

makes me sick

So I was doing research on Mommy Blogs for work. I got a list from a PR agency of influential mommy blogs and one of them was Dooce. This woman is hysterical and smart and she swears (come on Mommy's - you swear like a truck driver and I know it). The blogger on Dooce just got a new puppy. This is what made me sick.

On her site she has many forms of advertising. One of them is Google Adwords. I have nothing against Google but I saw something that made me uneasy. I saw multiple ads for Laughlin Kennels in Massachusetts. This is where we got Billie Jean. I couldn't get it out of my head that this place was a Puppy Mill when we bought her but she seemed normal and we ended up getting AKC papers on her so that calmed my nerves. This place has ads for Pugs and Whoodles (whatever that is) all over this blog. I hate the fact that we got her there and that they just pimp out these dogs all over the Internet. Poor puppies riding on the Puppy Bus from somewhere in the Midwest. I need to get over it but I just cant. I even looked up this kennel in the Better Business Bureau when we got her because I was so freaked out. It checked out with some random complaints and comments but nothing big. Then on Bulldog MeetUp everyone talks about this place and how its a Mill. Poor Billie Jean was brought to us by this gross place. At least she's a happy Human Dog.

What do you guys think? I think I just need to get over it. My desire to get a dog NOW was more important than getting one from a local breeder. Shame on me. I will never do it again.

Billie Jean is not my lover...

she's my dog. A dog that sleeps in between my husband and I and farts and snores. Now that he is home we are not able to sleep unless Billie Jean is snug as a bug in our bed. She sleeps half the night like a human on her back and snoring. The other half of the night she is either on top of my head like a cat or touching my nose with hers. Her other favorite position is with her big head in your neck.

We love our little english bulldog puppy. She is 6 months old and spoiled rotten! Not only does she sleep on the bed with us but she sits on the couch and the papasan like they are her chairs. She also talks. If we arent paying attention to her this loud (turn up the TV loud) growling/whiny sound comes out of her like she's saying "hey! You guys! Pay attention to me!". Its horrible. We try to ignore her but the sound gets louder and then she'll jump up on the couch and do it in your face. We go to the local park every night to play with other dogs in the neighborhood. She loves the little boston terriers and other puppies. She doesnt exactly come when she's called nor does she sit unless the treat is displayed in front of her face. Otherwise she's a pretty good dog! hahaha