Let me clarify

In my post here I said that I was depressed living in Ohio. I wanted to clarify to everyone the reasons why it was really bad. It was my job. This is no secret. My office offered me the same position to work from home as a contract employee while I was gone for 7 months. No one had ever done this before so the resources weren't there. The communication wasn't there. My support was non-existent. It was awful. I worked 7 days a week and sometimes until 2 or 3am. My office phone was on the same line as my home phone. If I didn't listen to the ringer type I could be picking up the phone at 11pm from my clients. I could also hear my clients in Europe calling me at 5am non stop so I'd just wake up and talk to them so I didn't have to call back later. It was the perfect storm.

Even a year later when speaking with my current bosses I just don't think anyone had any idea how bad it was. It was easy to forget about me. Obviously if I'm still writing about it a year later I am still a little bitter. Its a fresh wound since I just had my review. It just wont die. I am still being judged for that year I spent in Ohio and my emotions when I returned.

The city of Cleveland and the state of Ohio is not to blame. I loved my apartment and I loved my new family that we met out there. I loved spending thanksgiving and Christmas with them. I loved being around my little cousins. I could have had a little more action though. Some fun nights at the bar or some good friends to have dinner with. Mostly I stayed at home and cooked and watched TV. Ohio didn't really have the options I needed for nightlife. I don't drive and drink so since Ohio meant driving everywhere... that meant I didn't drink. I ended up preferring to split a bottle of Two Buck Chuck at home with Brett than at a bar.

Soo... end of the story goes. I never felt like I didn't get the support I needed from my friends or family. I was saved by Sara on a regular basis on my trips to Chicago. I spoke often with my mom and family back in Boston. I also spent a lot of time with Mom2Amara although I should have just camped out at their house. That would have made things much better. Or daycare at Jaci's place for Amara! I also think a dog would have been better. Billie Jean would have been the most wonderful thing while I was in Ohio. I just didn't know that we could handle it when Brett was in OCS - that part was right. It wasn't the right time for a dog.

That's it. Thank you all. I love you all. You supported me when I didnt have support. Now that I need it again you all are here for me now. You have no idea how much that means to me. Love you!

He Saves Lives n Shit

So a couple of years ago I was living with Brett in a tiny apartment. It was the summer and he was at work and I blew a fuse while trying to blow dry my hair and use the AC at the same time. I had NO CLUE where the fuse box was and had to call Brett at work. I knew he did Search and Rescue (SAR) for the Coast Guard but I hadn't yet heard of anything he worked on. I called and called and finally he picked up. I told him the situation and he told me where the fuse box was. Then he told me when the lights come back on to switch on the TV. He then hung up. I turned on the TV to see a huge SAR case that Brett was working. There were casualties and it was big. I felt very very little. Since then I have learned my lesson. My husband saves lives. He makes management calls with people's lives at stake. I buy media.

Brett now does enforcement and response for the GC. Here are some pretty cool pictures of a vertical delivery they did from a Helo to an international shipping carrier. Pretty cool huh?

Its the Boston Police

On Sunday my door bell rang around 10pm. The Boston Police were waiting outside for me to check out my car. Apparently there was a bunch of kids in it a couple minutes before the Police were called.

Apparently my car was unlocked (Damn key chain clicker!) and some kids (they were probably only like 8 years old!) decided to open it up and take a look. I'm not sure if they were just looking for stuff to steal or if they wanted to actually steal the car.

Thankfully I had nothing in my car for them to take. Some 8 year old might have given his girlfriend my old sunglasses - not sure where those things are!

THEN today I walk over to my car and there was a note on it. Someone HIT my car. All in one week - almost stolen and hit! I couldn't tell if there was any damage - pretty sure this isn't the first time my car has been hit in the city. Just a couple more bumps and scratches. If I drive it this weekend and the bumper falls off I'll be giving "Allison" a call.

So with all this bad stuff that's been happening lately something good had to happen. I got some news today that brightened things up so hopefully things will turn around for me. We also have friends from CA coming to visit soon so that's always fun. I'm also back on WW and I lost a pound last week. I still have like 20 more to go but whatever... at least I'm back on the diet. Oh and I still hate my new haircut. HATE it.

dreaming of spicy tuna

So last night and the night before I caught myself dreaming of spicy tuna hand rolls. Is there a sushi addicts group I should join? I have problems.

Perhaps its the diet. Sushi is the only thing I feel (and by the way - not accurate) that I can eat like a wild woman. Ive had 2 meals of sushi in 2 days and I want more. Damn you weight watchers! Damn you love roll below my belly button! Damn you thunder thighs! I want my spicy tuna hand rolls and I'm going to EAT them!

I relate my retardedness to dogs. You put a dog on a diet and it wants to like the paper bag that the food came in. That's me. I'm ready to buy that shit that you spray on veggies to make it taste like chocolate! This is what I get for being in a funk. Depression = food addiction.

lost that lovin' feeling

Something has gotten me down recently. I can pin point the exact moment that my balloon popped but its been getting bigger and bigger lately so it was bound to happen. I'm in a rut. At home, at work, in life. I never thought I could be depressed but then it happened to be in December of 2006. I was in Ohio and so lonely and alone and work was awful. I cried for days and weeks. I ruined Christmas by crying non stop. It didnt help thinking about the fact that I was going to not see my husband for 4 months. It was pretty much just awful.

I don't feel like that but is still not fun. My haircut is making it worse. The more people tell me they like it the more i feel like shit. I despise my hair. I wake up and don't FEEL like myself and then I look in the mirror and I don't LOOK like myself and I'm like that for the rest of the day.

Someone help. What can I do to get out of this rut? I need a hobby or something...