So for the past couple of days I have been wondering why I feel so weird. I sit weird. I walk weird. My clothes feel weird. I have constant weggies. Then today I figured it out. I'm getting fatter on one single side of my ass. I literally have a fat ass... on the right. I officially have a lopsided ass.

How do I suck the fat out of a single ass cheek?

Sasha claims I'm lucky to even have an ass. I told her she just thinks that because hers are evenly distributed. If she had a lopsided ass then maybe she wouldn't think I was so lucky. Then... we'd be soul sisters. Ass sisters.

So for all you people who don't believe me I took some Photo Booth pics. To PROVE my ass-ets aren't the same.









I was able to get Billies ass into this second one. She has a more symmetrical ass with cowlicks in her hair. Its a very cute ass.

Fashion + Jaci = Fear

My new agency has a lot of fashion clients. Every week it seems we are meeting with new fashion clients. Its a really new world for me and its very exciting. Last week I was in NY for a new business meeting for a great fashion brand. I was told I was traveling to NY on Monday and the meeting was the next afternoon. Obviously I made myself available but then started freaking out about what to wear. The last new biz meeting I went to I was one of the 4 people in the meeting wearing a black turtleneck. The owner of the fashion company asked us if "we were attending his F**king funeral". It was pretty funny but I was quite mortified. No more black turtlenecks.

The professional world has gotten more casual. I think a lot of people at my agency and other local agencies wear jeans every day. I am not that person. I have issues feeling professional in jeans.

Monday night after work I went out shopping for an outfit to wear. I was not wearing another black turtleneck. I tried on literally every dress in the store, suits, and tons of shirts. Literally nothing fit or looked good. I finally ended up with a white button down (so fashionable huh?) and paired it with a nice wool pant and wool jacket I had at home. I dressed it up with a big beaded necklace.

The meeting was great. I left feeling great but wondering If I'd ever fit into this world. I'm not really that funky and I pretty much have only 2-3 nice shirts/pants which means I wear the same thing every week. Oops!

i also dont think this economy will allow me to buy some more fashionable clothes. Does anyone have any tips for me? How do I take a bland closet and make it cool?

Dermablend is my friend

I get hives. All the time. For really any reason. For no reason at all. Its awful. Well... its not THAT awful. Its just really a pain in my ass.

In high school I never really had them - then one awful prom date asked me over to his house so his parents could take enough pictures to wallpaper their house, cottage and car interiors. I looked great. Minus the red blotches ALL over my face and body. That was really D day for me. Since then I have been aware of my hive issues and tried very hard to hide them at all times. Most days that means scarves, turtlenecks and carefully placed hair, hands and folders to hide my neck.

Once during a presentation a friend said that she couldn't pay attention to my speech. She just kept watching my neck and face as tiny little red blotches popped up and then just kept coming until they took over everything in one single red blotch. Good times.

In business my hives are a point of weakness. It shows that I'm nervous even if I'm not really nervous. I have done a pretty good job of hiding them but I cant wear a scarf or turtleneck everyday w out people thinking some odd things. When I worked in San Fran my office colleagues had a poll. A couple people thought I had hickeys or a nasty scar and one thought was that I was really a dude hiding an adams apple. After all I WAS in San Fran.

The good thing is that I can also "hide" them by being tan. My wedding was perfect. Not a blotch in sight because I was perfectly golden tan. I cant do that 365 days a year. A couple of months ago I found out that I can hide my hives with some dermablend makeup. Its a very thick makeup that I used as a teen to hide my tattoo for years. I decided to give it a try for my neck. It worked and I'm happy.

Now I can wear button down shirts and v-neck's w out the fear of the blotches coming out like i have chicken pox. dermablend is my friend. Now I need to find something to hide my fat. Somehow I dont think thats going to be as easy as some makeup. damn.

friends vs basketball

So Brett and I got a wedding invite yesterday. Brett looked at the date and realized last year we were doing something very special... seeing the Celtics win their championship. We aren't sure what to do. Its possible that they get knocked out in round 2 and wont even make it to the Finals.

The wedding is in New Orleans so I immediately want to go. The groom is a guy that was on the ship with Brett but I have never met him. I'm not sure the last time they saw or spoke but he's a dude and apparently that's pretty normal.

Brett was the best man in a wedding for a guy that I had never met. When we flew out to CA for the wedding it was like no time had went by. That's when I realized that things like time and lack of communication don't matter much for guys.

Anyways - in addition to Ryan being an old friend of Brett's and the wedding in a cool location we also have several friends in the NOLA area. Anna and Bull are there in NOLA and Andy and Jen are about an hour away. I haven't seen Anna and Bull in well over a year and Andy and Jen haven't been to Boston in about 3 years. It would be a great vacation but the one hang up is possibly missing the Finals.

What should we do? I think it might be easier for them at first to know that we will try to make it. We will be able to give them notice and hopefully it doesn't screw things up. The other thing we could do is just fly down for the weekend but then it sort of makes the big visit to the rest of our friends impossible.

Obviously we will wait and figure this out but what do you think?

Game

Another one of my favorite games to play on the T is "guess the gender"! For example this morning there was a person with a stalky figure and a really long pony tail. Seeing this person from behind I began the game...

Pony tail- 1 for chick
Bad outfit- toss up
Stalky physique- toss up
Ring on finger- 2 for chick
Sneakers- toss up (small feet)

Wait on second! Facial hair! Hhmmm I think its an ugly ass dude. That's it for todays game folks! Hopefully next week there will be more fun to be had on the T. Have a good weekend!

music in the T

So with the new job I now have a different commute. I think Ive blogged before about how much it sucks. There are a few bright spots. A few things that make me smile or laugh on my way to work.

One of them is the music on the T. I get off at Downtown Crossing to change trains (did I say my commute sucks... eh!) and there is always some interesting music. First there is one guy whom i think might be homeless. He strums away at his guitar and screams loudly "JESUS! OOOHHHH JESUS" in some sort of melody. This morning he was singing "Ive been working on the railroad". Now what does that have to do with Jesus? I wish I stuck around to the second verse.

Then there is the couple (i assume they are a couple because...) that brings this HUGE karaoke machine down to Downtown Crossing subway station and they turn that bad boy on. Microphone and everything they belt out some Tina Turner, Whitney Houston and Dione Warwick. Now the odd thing is that its a guy and a girl but they aren't there together. I cant imagine there are two different people EACH with a karaoke machine singing away for coins in Downtown Crossing. That would be even funnier.

Now since I'm changing trains I don't mind my morning music since I literally get off the train and walk past them to another platform. If I had to stay on the platform and listen to more than 30 seconds of "That's What Friends Are For" then I might be blogging about a very different emotion.

Music is one of the little things that makes me laugh. I also laugh when I overhear conversations. The other day was one of the best ones in a while. I was walking into the T and this woman was walking out. All I heard her on the other side of a cell phone call saying "Did you find them?" "What?" "No, the bottom ones" "Damn I lost my bottom teeth".

I almost fell over. It was too good to be true. Was this woman really talking on the phone in public to another person about how she LOST her bottom teeth. Priceless.

49

So on Tuesday my dad turned "49". I felt bad because I missed his birthday due to traveling for work. When we were kids we'd ask Dad what he wanted for his birthday or Christmas and he would always answer with: "Good grades" so we'd buy him socks.

This year I'll get him some socks and maybe a nice shirt to go with them.

Happy 49th Dad! ;)

Some Clouds. Cold. Low 1F.

Honestly who chooses to live like this? Tonight its going to 1 degree outside. That dog better pee faster than she has ever peed before on tonight's walk!

Poor Brett had to do a boarding very early this morning. He has got to be miserable.

I am hoping for a nice warm night inside the house. I hear its just going to get worse this weekend. Last night my mother in law called Brett. It was 80 degrees in Southern Cali. gggrrrrrr!

sleeping habits

Brett and I have a queen bed... and a 50 lb bulldog. Normal people have the dog sleep on a bed of their own on the floor. She has one of those. Never touched. Other dogs might sleep at the end of the bed protecting their parents. Our dog sleeps between us in the bed. When Brett leaves in the morning she doesn't go to his side of the bed. Instead she comes up and lays on my head. She likes to put her head either on my neck or directly on top of my head. I move so she isn't breathing into my face and her heavy head and wet jowls aren't on my face. Her body then wraps itself around my head while taking up 90% of my pillow. She then pushes her paws into my head, neck and shoulders to make more room for her body on my pillow. I eventually wake up to find that I am no longer sleeping on the pillow. I pull her body off of my pillow. She then sleeps between the two pillows on the bed, snoring into my pillow. Her little legs are stretched out and as I try to get comfortable i end up sleeping on top of dog legs.

This is how my day starts. Everyday between 6am and 7:30am. Breathing my dogs breath and sleeping on her little legs.

The dog is always the most comfortable person in the room. As I write this I am sitting/laying on the couch with my legs bent to the side. The dog is laying down with her body on the other side of my bent legs. The way to picture this is the dog is taking up 90% of the couch and I am trying to fit on the couch while attempting to be comfortable. Oh and did I mention Brett is also on the couch. He has to sit diagonal with his legs on the table. The dog has taken over the couch and she is snoring. Loudly. Anytime one of us moves she wakes up and gives us dirty looks. Afterwards within 10 seconds the snoring resumes, her eyes might still be open but she is again snoring. If she hasn't found her own spot on the couch she just sleeps on top of us. Here is a classic night from my view.





nice huh? Thank god she's only 50 pounds. I'd have a lot more problems if she was 75 pounds huh?

Snowy Lawn Chairs

There is a phenomenon that happens in the winter when it snows. People in the city "save" their parking spots that they shoveled out using Spacesavers as the Mayor calls them. Spacesavers are typically lawn chairs, broken fans, garbage cans, and cones. It makes the beautiful snow look like a ghetto of broken chairs.

From the Mayor's office on the City of Boston website:
"Any spacesavers® left in on-street parking spaces that have been shoveled out must be removed 48 hours after a snow emergency has ended."

Keywords here are: 48 HOURS and SNOW EMERGENCY



Knowing that this is an actual rule I am OK with people doing this... most of the time. I personally do NOT put anything outside in a spot I shoveled and thankfully in Charlestown there are many other people that share my frustration with this "rule". Last winter we had 3 days of intense snow. so much snow that work was cancelled - that never happens! Anyways - I spent hours outside shoveling myself out of my spot knowing full well that if I went anywhere I would be hard pressed to find a new one. That's just the risk you have to take and after being stuck inside for several days. In this case we were willing to risk it. When I returned my spot was not taken but it was actually saved.... by someone else. Someone had the audacity to steal the parking spot that I had spent hours shoveling. That is NOT acceptable. I removed the lawn chair and attached a lovely note to it. Hopefully I taught that person a lesson, though i doubt it.



The thing that drives me so nuts about this "rule" is that it ONLY applies to snow emergency days. People think that any snow - even 1 inch - gives them the OK to save their parking space. I get so angry walking down the street looking at lawn chairs saved in spots that have no snow anywhere near them.



I have thought many times about photocopying lots of notices and making them look official to warn my lovely neighbors. The only problem is I might get caught putting them up. I know this is just a part of life and thankfully Charlestown is not the worst of them all. Southie is pretty brutal for their "spacesavers" in the winter.

Ahhh the charms of living in the city.